Last time, you met Tyron Cook, who is my greenie for the legacy. He worked and played with dogs and met a unicorn and worked and got yelled at by snotty kids because he didn't fix up their painting room they way they wanted. Ugh, Architect profession.
Did I ever tell you his LTW? It's to magically heal 12 sims with...healing magic. Yeah?! You got it? Can I stop recapping?
Sadie is beginning to grow on me. Because she finds me bling-bling.
And with that money I was able to buy wallpaper. WALLPAPER. Yeah, we's livin' the high life now!!! Also, I pimped out the bathroom. I won't bother showing you the rest of the house because the living room/kitchen/bedroom still sucks.
WerewolfDude: Where is Erica? I swear, when I get my claws on that woman, Imma rip her to SHREADS.
"Oh, shit. Is that a camera? Hehe, that was a joke! I meant hug her and sniff her and cuddle her and stuff because I love her so much!"
Um. So apparently Erica Wolff is married. Unless this dude is her brother or something, I don't know. Whatever, I'm too lazy to go homewrecking around town.
...okay, dude, I understand your hygiene is bottomed out, but you don't solve that breaking into homes and using other sims toothbrushes.
Tyron: Gotta be sparkly clean, so I won't be red and bitching all day about it.
Ugh. You and your NEEDS.
Back at the homefront.
Sadie: Look, ya flea-bag. You're as smart as a leaf and just as useful.
Hawkins: And what are you, a hamster?
Sadie: Right, creampuff. Leaving you alive is my home warming gift. Stay on your side of the house. Encroach on my half and die.
Hawkins: but the food's on your half...
Sadie: 'Xactly.
Sadiiiiie...stop being a bitch.
HAHAHA itsapun!
Sadie: Shove it, Cream Cheese.
QUIT CALLING ME THAT. I'm not creamy, nor cheesy, thanks.
Sadie: Oh, you're plenty cheesy.
Sadie: Oh, you're plenty cheesy.
Hawkins: I HATE ANTS
Sadie: I HATE DOGS
Um.
Needless to say, they're not buddies. Figures two girl dogs would just hate each other.
Women would rule the world if we didn't hate each other so much.
Tyron: Alright, Hawkins. Time for a bath.
Hawkins: A what now?
THAT FACE.
You shall be my avatar now.
Hawkins: W-what is this? Are you one of them crazy people that drowning their dogs and stuff them after their dead? 'Cause I am not going to be your loyal dead dog! I'm not Rowdy*.
(If anybody gets the reference, you get a lollypop. A fake lollypop, but but a lollypop nonetheless.)
You shall be my avatar now.
Hawkins: W-what is this? Are you one of them crazy people that drowning their dogs and stuff them after their dead? 'Cause I am not going to be your loyal dead dog! I'm not Rowdy*.
(If anybody gets the reference, you get a lollypop. A fake lollypop, but but a lollypop nonetheless.)
Hawkins: I will plan my revenge.
For what? Making you sparkly clean?
Sadie: Haha, the witch got you bitch.
Tyron: Alright, Sadie. You're next!
Sadie: Say what now?!
Hawkins: Fairies.
Yeah, the dogs are more interesting than Tyron. He's seriously irritating me. He keeps freezing in action queues, like going to bed. He just stands there like a muppet, motives still draining.
Ah, glitches. We meet again.
It was Tyron's want to be in the Architect career. Honestly, I hate hearing sims bitch about my superior interior decorating. I know they secretly love their zebra printed walls and red, orange, and blue carpets.
Oh, if he only got Stylist. PAYBACK, baby, PAY. BACK.
...of all the things in your fridge.
BRAINS?
Tyron: Tastes like chicken.
I may vomit.
really. Couldn't go to the SIMMART and buy a FRICKIN' XYLOPHONE YOURSELF.
I'm beginning to think this career is bitch work. You know, when rich sims make poor people buy them shit just to show off that they can.
So, I actually tried with this one. She asked for some kids stuff.
I wish I had eight thousand hands so I could give you that magical little one finger salute.
ALSO YOU'RE A GOTH AND I ALREADY HATED YOU
*angst*
Sadie: You call that Chase, ya inbred?
Hawkins: Why can't we bury the bone, here? It's no use blocking me out.
Sadie: Aw, ya want to go cuddle in the corner and be happy-go-lucky dumb dogs while pickin' fleas from each other? Please. Leave the ovaries at the front door.
Hawkins: Well, since you're being so callus, I won't divulge the gossip I heard from Master Tyron.
Sadie: Master Tyron? Hell, I own that witch.
Wizard.
Sadie: The icon in the thought bubbles is a witch, climb off your broom, Cream Cheese.
Hawkins: Heard the witch was getting a kitten.
Sadie: K-kitten? You mean a baby cat? HE'S GETTING ONE OF THOSE DEVILS?
Plumbob: I'm your new pet!
No, you're not. The new kitten is here, but he's invisible. What the hell is up with my game recently? It either renders a sim all Sims1-ified or they're Houdini for five minutes.
Clover: *is cute*
D'awww.
Clover: Hi, Miss Sadie. I'm Clover.
Sadie: This is my ass. Kiss it.
Clover: Uh, lady that's not very nice.
He's just a kitten, Sadie.
Sadie: A kitten killed my family.
Bull. You're just racist.
Clover: They're stealing our jobs and our women.
Sadie: Ugh. You smell like allergies and spit.
Clover: really. A dog telling me I smell. Your breath could kill an elephant.
Sadie: Listen, ya little shit. I'm the alpha around here. Keep your nose off mine or I'll end you.
Clover: Whatevs, dog breath.
Clover: HALP
SADIIIIIIIIIIIE
And this is why the dogs have more personality than you, Tyron. When he's not working, he's sleeping. When he's not sleeping, he's frozen in a queue. Just once, I'd love a patch that fixes this shit!
Tyron: I'm interesting! I'm painting!
Like a five-year-old.
Clover: Fun.
Hawkins: GRRRRR *chew bite growl*
I really am surprised you're still reading this monstrosity.
Tyron: Holding a kitten. Are your panties wet, ladies?
Tyron: Oh, yeah, ladies. I love kitties.
But so far that's the only pussy you're getting.
OOOOOOOOOOH BURN
Who ever accepts this opportunity?! I just want to know!
HAWKINS I LOVE YOU
...Erica.
I will burn your house down.
AEFHIEOGIHWOHGIEOWNFOHWF
IT WAS A FUCKING RUG WOMAN
I'LL MAKE YOU INTO A FUCKING RUG
So we did the adult thing. We broke her shower.
FOR GOD'S SAKE WHO EATS A POISONOUS APPLE
Erica: ...awesome, didn't even need the roofie. BOYS!!
Oh, God. Tyron wake up, we gotta motor!
You know what? Sure. I'll go to China.
First off, one more renovation.
Defeating urban legend, I see.
Emilie Van-Gould: Shut up, human. I need to check out my new room. You did put four statues in it, didn't you?
I HOPE YOU RUN INTO A STAKE.
You know why people learn Martial Arts? To kick ass.
It's like learning how to shoot a gun and saying "oh, it's only a hobby".
'Cause you know if a mo'fucker breaks in, you're gonna be reaching for your heat.
This message was brought to by It's 2am and This Chair is So Scratchy, My Butt Has Carpet Burn.
China. It's a gated community.
Not accepting any opportunities. Because that would not be a vacation.
Tyron: But the box says "World Adventures".
Does Adventures have to mean walking around? No, my definition of vacation is sitting my fat ass in a lounge chair over-looking the ocean, looking at half-naked men and women on the beach.
Tyron: Men AND women?
Yes. Deal with it.
Oooooh. I see spouse material. Chat her up.
Tyron: So, uh, you like dogs?
Biyu: Yes. Especially with soy sauce.
My favorite six words ever in this game.
Tyron: So, uh, kissing. That's nice?
Biyu: Lame.
Little too forward, Tyron.
"I WANNA TO FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL"
Keep it R-rated, thank you.
Tyron...you only know fire blast, ice blast, and good fortune...STOP
Tyron: Do you feel lucky?
Even Dirty Harry has more pimp-juice than you.
Still in the friendzone, though.
Biyu: I see you. Don't think I don't.
Tyron: Oh, yeah, I'm da man.
Tyron: That'd be some interesting Woohoo.
"I eat rice and parasites!"
Yum.
oh, it's on bitch.
Tyron: So, uh...
Azumaril: Nuh-uh, you ain't gettin none of this Dim-Sum, honeybunch. My sista may be a whore, but she's MY whore--uh, sister.
...Plan B.
Best idle animation ever.
What plane of existence is this?
mWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Biyu: I swam. Ninjas are like motorboats.
*avoiding cheesy 'motorboating' joke*
AHEM.
Tyron: Oh, hi Biyu.
Biyu: Hello, Tyron. You wanted something?
Biyu: AiEEEE, Good Buddha, what the hell, dude?
I WILL OWN YOU
Tyron: *SMOOOOOOOOCH*
...
Mail her back your nose when you're done.
Zombie: It took me hours to chisel through the stone! I had to upgrade to a diamond pickaxe!
Biyu: Really? Minecraft jokes?
Shut it, hobag.
Biyu: Do you need something?
Biyu: AWWWW how cute.
what.
Zombie: Need a new pair of Nikes to do this shit.
Tyron: Will you be my girlfriend?
Biyu: Well...I guess.
Zombie: Still here. Ladeedah.
Biyu: Yes, Tyron?
Zombie: I've got to get me a dress like that.
GO AWAY.
Biyu: YES YES YES YES
Zombie: Ugh, this news gives me a backache.
Zombie: Brother gonna have some grass stains.
Then the glitches began. He would freeze next to beds for HOURS on END. I finally bought a double bed, but he finished the action for his old bed...in the air.
Then he broke his ankles and twisted his arms off.
Tyron: Something's not right here...
Clover: Please tell me that thing next to his boxers is his hand.
I attempted a wedding party. I tried to get Tyron to change into his formal wear, but he GLITCHED AGAIN.
SLHIONEIOGNONWFOAINWDPWP
So, let's just say, there was no party because he was being a JERKOFF.
Fuck off, Goths. Ugh.
Biyu: "MMMPH MMMPH"
her mouth and noses have molded together!
QUICK, Byron put a tube in her chest so she can breathe!
GODDAMNIT
*headdesk*
Welcome back to the working life.
I know you have money for nonsensical shit, but GOD.
I mean,
Sexual healing...
Normally, I'd tell sims to screw off, but...
he's a vampire.
And also put a roof on this room, because he would be frying like bacon.
Stray Cat: Dogs are morons.
Tyron: GAHHH MY ARM IS IN THE COUNTER
Ugh, I'm tired of typing. So I leave you with Biyu ninja-ing next to the pet bowls.
"HuAAAAAAAH gotta cook up some whoop-ass"
...go back to bed.
ALSO, if you want some true quality fumbling, check out my YT channel: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKFopQmQ64vy7bzRBGpMffw?feature=watch
Shameless plug over.
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