The Cook Rainbowcy! chapter three (6/24/13)

WARNING: I say naughty things. 

 Hello, and welcome back to the Cook Rainbowcy. Last time, our founder Tyron Cook went to China and met Biyu, wooed her and took her back to the homeland. They married in a sea of glitches and freezing action queues. 

 Let me Biyu a drank, ooooh, Imma take you home with me...

Biyu: No.

I didn't say this last time, but their hanky-panky resorted in a pregnancy. BLUE babies on the way! Also, I'm a complete moron and realized that this generation doesn't even count towards the color total so choosing a color was pointless. But, whatever, what's done is done. It'll be going blue, purple, pink, red, orange, yellow, brown, white, grey, and black.

 Biyu's stats. She's a neat snob, which is interesting. Legacy living will humble her greatly.

 ...why is the maid freaking out in our bushes?

"There's a vampire inside!"

 Oh, right. We have a vampire roommate which I didn't get rid of because...he's a vampire. I support the Vampire Rights Amendment.

Biyu: This isn't True Blood.

SHUSH and make waffles, woman.

 "I don't want him to eat me. Or do I? I heard from Charla it's better than Woohoo to have a vampire feed on you. Though she also said they expect Woohoo after feedin'. I don't know."

Shouldn't you, you know, be CLEANING?

 We do have a toilet, Biyu.

 I SAID WE HAVE A TOILET, JEBUS.

Biyu: IT'S TOO DIRTY

CHRIST ON A CANDLE, WOMAN.

 And Clover's growing up.

 Verdict?

Clover: Still a cat.

Good gravy, I was expecting a monkey. 

 Hawkins is still around. She made some friends. By friends, I mean fleas.

Flea 1: WEEEEEEE 

Flea 2: Ugh, that's the last time I bunk next to the butt. Dog farts are like mustard gas.

 And Sadie sleeps a lot.

Sadie: Beat it, Cream Cheese. No one likes a stalker. 

You're a legacy dog. You signed the contract. 

 Come on, GEN BLUE.

Biyu: Still pregnant.

GODDAMNIT.

 Right, so I thought'd it fix some of the problems I've been having. Sims would just stop in the middle of actions and freeze up, which pissed me off to no end. I moved them to Appa-Appalousiana---THE TOWN THAT CAME WITH PETS. Frick. Problem is, we don't get as many as the...interesting sims as before. Also Rick glitched and became part of the household, though I can't make him selectable. 

 Was also having a time when sims just didn't do...anything.

Come on, where's the sim idiocy? 

Biyu: Well, I'm pregnant. I can't be too much of an idiot.

Bullshit. I have free will maxed out! WTFasaur, guys?

 Clover: Cats don't do shit, anyway.

Sadie: Sitting and sitting. Sniffing and sitting.

 Hawkins: I think our simmer's an assclown.

Biyu: I'm wearing heels while I'm pregnant. In real life, I'd have ankles the size of a hippos and that wouldn't be sensible. 

 Biyu: OMG WHY IS THERE AN EASEL

Every sim started doing that.

I later realized it was because it was scratched up. 

Still.

QUIT YOUR BITCHING.

 Vampire and a witch wizard. In True Blood, they had a whole season for this kind of conflict.

Tyron: Sup.

Rick: Nothing much, 

what.

 Biyu: MY BACK HURTS

Probably because of the BOWLING BALL you have in your UTERUS.

 NO.

"Just one Vo Gerbits?"

PISS OFF.

 Rick: alright, pole thing that looks like it has a flaccid penis coming out of it, prepare to meet your DOOM.

*VAMPIRE POWER ACTIVATE*

 *bitchslap*

 *wimpykick*

Easy Dracula. Don't turn that thing into chopsticks now.

 Hawkins is still awesome at finding stuff. Hunting is almost cheating in a way.

 TYRON. THE TOILET WAS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

JESUS CHRIST.

 ...this looks totally wrong. 

If it was an invisible ghost.

And that part of their anatomy was visible. 

 Clover: Relax, it's my tail.

Pfft. Cat playing in the bathtub. I have to wrestle to the death with my cats just to get them in the bathroom.

 Head

Plus

Desk

4ever
Tyron sucks at this.
Tyron: WTFBBQ you're the designer, here! 

 COME ON I WANT A BABY

Biyu: then find a man, hop on that dick and do a full split...

Oh, I can't sing rap lyrics but you can?!

 RANDOM CAT PICTURE.
Clover: Can't tell if food or empty bowl. 

My cats do this too.

CUTE. <3 

 Tyron: OMG OMG OMG THERE'S AMNIOTIC FLUID EVERYWHERE

Biyu: ...? What the hell are you on about? I'm just making the--

 "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH EVERYTHING'S RIPPING"

 "WHERE'S THE EPIDURAL FUUUUUUUUUU--"

No drugs in the sims. Have fun! =D

"I HOPE YOUR FIRST KID HAS BUCK TEETH"

.___. how dare you.

 Tyron: "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO!"

Welcome to fatherhood.

 I named the girl Lapis, after the gem, Lapis Lu...La..Lazooloo?

 "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING NAME IS AND YOU NAMED MY BABY AFTER IT?"

Well, it's pretty useless in Minecraft, unless you find blue dye useful. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Wanna see a picture of Lapis Lazupalo?

"NOOOOOO GO DIE IN A FIRE AND GET EATEN BY GNOMES"

See? Sparkly. And more importantly...BLUUUUUUE

 *after a significant clean-up of blood and other...fluids that accompany an actual human birth*

"Oh, I'm sparkly!" 

 Born out of sparkles. 

Instead of, you know, agonizing pain and sticky, bloody stuff. 

I do hope you're not eating while reading this.

 Lapis: "I'M ALREADY BITCHING AND IT HASN'T BEEN FIVE MINUTES YET!"

That face sums it up pretty well. 

 And while Lapis has her first bottle, time to go HOUSE RENOVATING.

 Don't wish it away

                                                      Don't look at it like it's forever

Between you and me I could honestly say

That things can only get better

And while I'm away

Dust out the demons inside

And it won't be long before you and me run

To the place in our hearts where we hide

 And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Time on my hands could be time spent with you

Laughing like children, living like lovers,

Rolling like thunder under the covers

And I guess that's they call it the blues.

 HEEEEY don't interrupt my montage by dumping your baby off!

Biyu: Need food.

honestly.

 Daddy's there to help out.

Tyron: Hey, where does my two minute contribution come in this kid's genetics?

Sorry, Tyron. It's a bit weird since Biyu's has Asian-ish skin and you have dark skin. I want a mocha baby, dammit! 

 Biyu: Hey, Tyron. I know I just gave birth, but how's about some bathroom nookie?

Tyron: *drops the soap*

Alright, I'm pissing off now.

 So, I got so fed up with the Architect career, so I decided to go back to the good ole Rabbithole Jobs. 

 Byron's LTW is to heal 12 sims with a curing magic that he hasn't learned yet. I need to make him to do more magical repairs and stuff to level him up. Until then though, he'll join the Military career. 

 You know, when you come off those long hours at the office and you see horses on the sidewalk? It's the worst.

I still wish they're could be more exotic animals. I guess, you know, they have to keep it PG 13. Can't have tigers ripping paperboys to shreds or pandas killing sims with cuteness.

YES, cuteness!

Death by Cuteness. Caused by too much cuddly creatures. Sim will be engulfed in kittens and puppies and pandas and bunnies and they will suffocate under the fur. 

The ghost color will be zebra stripes. 

 HEY HEY HEY

Quit trying to make babies in the doorway!

BAD SIMS.

*swats on noses with newspaper*

 Vampire and baby? This...can't be right.

No, Rick just likes the little kid. Be interesting if roommates could marry in sims. I guess not, because Rick's kind of broken in this household. I can't select him, but he's in the UI pane. And he doesn't pay rent. 

Come on, Rick. Get out of the house and meet some bitches!

 Not those kind of bitches.

Hawkins and Sadie actually act kind to one another.
Hawkins: Nuzzle nuzzle, bitch.
Sadie: Love you too, mutt.

Mission mocha baby, stage 2. 

Tyron: What do you mean she's pregnant again...do you realize how much work this is?

Well, I'm only 20 and I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. So no. 

Tyron: Prude.

SHUTUP. T__T

Can't use the treadmill when pregnant.

Can't use the Martial Arts pole.

Thing would surely cause too much strain on a pregnant women...perfectly okay.

Duuuuuuuh....duuuuuuuuuuuuuh...DUUUUUUUUUUUH

DUH-duuuuuuuuuuuuuh *BUM bum BUM bum BUM bum* 

So pretty I might just keep it. 

Tyron ages to Adult.

...fantastic. 

Also, it's another one's birthday. LAPIS!

Hmmm...can't really tell. She might have Tyron's nose. Uh oh. 

GASP.

How dare you.

Lapis: FEED ME I'M CUTE

Rick: Here ya go, tiny human. Drink up. OW your speech bubble impaled me!

Lapis: Should have bussed the bottle here faster, fanger.

Biyu: Did I forget to turn the stove off?

If you did, I'll be pissed because you have 8 Cooking points.

Biyu: ...these sheets are awfully disgusting. 

So you're tucking them in?

Biyu: Eh, they'll dry. 

Ew.

"OMG EVERYTHING'S RIPPING AGAIN"

What is with all these good traits? I WANT SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT DAMMIT

Are you giving birth or performing broadway?

"Always look on the bright side of life, bah do bah do do do do do..."

In real life, it'd be more like

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

OCEAN! 

Biyu's skin tone.

DAMMIT

This what a diamond dog looks like, the pieces of crap you find when you get dogs to hunt. It's 1000 bucks. 

And now you don't have to worry, because I knew it was eating you alive.

Chocolate Bear and Vanilla Bear try once for a mocha cub.

10 points if you get that reference.

I gave Biyu a new dress because I was tired at look at her sheep sleepwear.

Well, Tyron. You want to go get glammed up, do you?

Found out you can upgrade the mirrors to Good Looking or something. 

Interesting. Also you'll notice Tyron no longer uses a wand for magic. 

He does it with both hands now.

(Say that phrase and DIE.)

SassyStylist: "Mmm...mmm...what a fine specimen you are."

You did want to flirt with someone else, Tyron.

Tyron: So not what I meant.

SassyStylist: That ass is more chiseled than a mannequins. 

Tyron: I'm still hip, aren't I? I got swagger...

You traded in the swagger for the diaper bag, Ty-Ty.

"OH GOD THIS SHIRT ISN'T CLOTH, IT'S MOLDED CONCRETE" 

And it's not green.

Tyron: This is hip.

No.

"Funky."

Maybe in the 80s.

"Fabio ain't got nothing on me."

You. Are. A. Parent. 

"Well?"

...I approve.

The sim gods do not.

Tyron: I really hope that rendered me sterile.

You would think so.

if this happened in my neighborhood, people would be shooting them.
.___.

WTF

Okay, it's PERFECTLY okay to play tag with the cat while you're preggo.

SMGDH

I built a SECOND FLOOR. *hallelujah choir*

It...kind of sucks.

Hawkins was the first to go grey.

"HOWWWWWL why are my legs so weird..."

I can think of many reasons why this is dangerous. She's on a ladder, if you couldn't tell.

Buh-duh.

Buh-duh.

DUH duh DUH duh DUH duh DUH duh

FIGHT TO THE DEATH

5 buck Iguana. 

=/

Biyu: Oh, God. Not again.

Yes, Biyu. Again.

"I HATE EVERYTHING"

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN

Automatic heir. Don't care about the others. 

"That's not nice."

It's The Sims, Vanilla Bear.

...I forget his second trait. 

Biyu and Lapis: CAKE

Maid: Standing here, not doing what I'm paid to do. Lalala

Ocean: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CRIB WAAAAAAA

Sadie: I have a RED PLUMBOB, I'm calling PETA

LOL. 

=D

That's ironic in so many many ways.

And she's ugly. 

Lapis: "HEY."

The nose knows. 

NEXT TIME on the COOK RAINBOWCY. 

...

I don't know, I haven't played it yet. Stay tuned! 

Sadie: Please don't piss in my kibbles, lady. Christ.

ALSO if you want to see me play another game badly, check out my YT channel: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKFopQmQ64vy7bzRBGpMffw?feature=watch