The Bees' Knees Prettacy! Chapter Uno!

Merlotte's Bar and Grill...the perfect place for a drink and for a legacy to start. Or to get sued by HBO and Alan Ball. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about...welcome to the club. Hello, I'm Chelsea. You may know me from Nada Noland where I've been unsuccessfully creating legacies and then having to stop because it got tedious, or my computer acted up, or school started, or I got stuck in a perpetual time warp and I ended up in 60 BC, having relations with a rock. It was CONSENSUAL, dammit. *sniff*
Weirded out already? Then you've just entered my madness! Onto our founder! 

What? Expecting a Swedish GQ model? (Aren't we all.)
This is Bobbie Bee, a very homely sim that was born in CAS on one of my sleepless caffeine binges. She shares a downloaded custom world with characters from True Blood, my simself and family, and until recently, she was bunking with Pyramid Head. She's Charismatic, a Diva, Eco Friendly ('cause she's a bee, ya see?), Flirty, and a Social Butterfly. Nothing good can come from that combination. Plus, because I LOVE irony (seriously, I would sleep with irony, go off and go to Vegas and get hitched to irony and have its babies) I made her a whore. She wants to bed five sims and five different places. I assume that means not really the bed, and with my expansion packs, all the way up to Uni, that means hottubs, elevators, haystacks, gypsy vans, blah blah blah.
My goal is to breed out the ugly. So, put your trays in the upright position, 'cause we are takin' OFF in dis bitch. 

Just a look at her outfit. She's also a fairy, because then she has bee wings. She's blue because...she is.
Bobbie: "Why am I stretched like I'm in a mug shot?"
CAS pose mod. So you won't move while I'm fixing you up.
Bobbie: "So in a way, you're my kidnapper with a weird fetish for dressing people."
Pretty much, yeah. 

Into the bar, we don't see Sam Merlotte. I've Nrass's story progression mod installed, so I pretty much know the happenings of every sim in the neighborhood. Also, if you're not a True Blood fan, you probably won't recognize half the sims I made. They're pretty much background characters. If you don't care about them, then...don't care. I might make a few quotes from the show. Kudos, though, if you recognize them!
ENOUGH BABBLING. Bees need some NECTAR.

Bobbie: "Well, hello there, little human chick."
Barista: "Oi vey, I'm in one of those neighborhoods."
So, I moved Bobbie into a little shack of a lot. Since I moved her out from her fabulous family living with Pyramid Head, she has a whole whopping 70 bucks. She did have a car in her inventory, but I didn't sell it for the challenge. Unfortunately, I started this legacy in the winter, so we're going to have to squat a little in some bars.

Hey, Dial soap and a hand is not how you clean something, honey!
Just realized that could be an innuendo. Moving along.

Tara: "Aww, shiiit, what the hell's out there now? Ogres? Aliens? I didn't expect them to be that ugly, now."
Just as a head's up, if you still haven't seen True Blood and wished to experience them unspoilerified, I will not divulge key plot points. Problem is, I redesigned the TB sims in accordance to where Season 5 ended.
Tara: "Fuck, everyone knows I'm a--"
LESBIAN. Everyone knows you're a lesbian.
Tara: "Bitch, don't play me. I'll serve up your heart with some grits...and collard greens."
...what? It's from the show. Don't look at me all judgmental. Hookah.

Tara: "Oh, God, please buzz on away befo' I kick yo teef in."
Bobbie Bee: "So far, your background character has more personality than I do. Quit chewing off of some lame vampire show and focus on ME, dammit."
Lame vampire show? LAME VAMPIRE SHOW? Have you forgotten you controls your food intake, you fat blue buzzing bitch!

Hey, I took you here for a cheap sandwich! How are you buzzed?
"That's for stealing my limelight!"
Seriously, didn't even tell her to do it. 

Then they talked about recycling. 'Cause nothing starts off a conversation about saving the planet than a smack to the face.
Good night all 'round!

And this is what happens when you try to give Hot Head to a vampire.
...
Double en tendre is obvious.

We are even broker (more broke?), so Bobbie will have to build her an igloo to sleep in. Also, this town has a probably with snow accumulation on the ground. Looks like my sims are wading through grass

Oh, who's this? Why, its my simself, taking pity on a sim. How rare. For the record, I'm not blonde nor am I thin like she is.
Bobbie: "Then...why is she?"
You're lucky nobody in real life looks like you.
...
Yeah, I'm failing at a joke that wouldn't make me sound like a vain bitch.
Bobbie: "You are--"
SHUT UP, FUGLY SMURF.

There you are, Sam Merlotte! Nice gay handwarmers.
Sam: "Speaking of gay handwarmers, where's Lafayette?"
I KNOOOW, I need to create a Lafayette sim, but I'm extremely lazy. I downloaded some of them, I made some and adjusted others. Sam is a werewolf because there's no shifter option. That'd be cool if sims could turn into actual animals.
Sam: "Could turn into a Doberman and bite your goddamn face off."
-__- Why are they so mean to me...
"You quoted the show, jackass."
Oh, go dig a hole. You a-hole. 

After I helped Bobbie with her igloo, I promptly started ranting about Woohoo.
"If you don't want to watch them Woohoo, you don't have to, bigots! I barely want to watch my straight sims go at it with ugly fuglies in this town!"

AHHHHHHH
Honest to God, why did I pick the Social Butterfly trait?! It's the worst trait in the world! She won't quit bitching about "being invisible". You look like a horse's ass, trust me, you're not invisible! Her Social need goes down faster than anything!
"NEED FRIENDS. TO. TALK. TO. WHINE. NAG. I'm invisible! My friends haven't texted me in 30 seconds, they probably forgot I exist!"
They probably want to.

So...totally forgot to caption some photos. Oi vey, my memory.
Bobbie meets Jessica Stackhouse (nee Hamby) and very prominent sim in this neighbor since she must have been engaged 500 times. Seriously, if you collected wedding rings, she'd have 432,203 of 'em. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
I don't want to deal with a vampire on the first generation, so nyah.

Also, we met her maker Bill Compton. I reverted him back to his Season 4 ways, because he was annoying me with his, uh, god-complex, shall we say.
"Oh, my heart, my achy breaky heart--"
NO.

Ooooh, why's he rushing past our lot in such a fashion?

He came to an empty lot. And started complimenting himself. Is this a nightly ritual, Bill?
"I do declare, Mista Compton, you are the king. Kingly king king kingly king."
Where's a stake when you need one.

UGH...holidays suck. I hate them. I can't use the 'backtowork' prompt in AwesomeMod to get her to work! If it's not holidays, it's weekends! If only I got from school this much!

Well, helloooooooo there. I mean, hi. >__>
He doesn't exactly look like the TB Eric Northman, more like Charlaine Harris's Eric from the books. Of course, TB followed the books about as accurately as I follow a train of thought for more than five sec--
"Ahem."
*swoon* Uh, I...what was I doing?
"Monologuing."
Oh, right. Eric married Sookie in the game has...four kids? Probably five by now. I know by TB standards, vampires don't breed, but...it's the Sims.  Fun fact, when I was playing my simself family before I started the legacy, Eric had an affair on Sookie...with Bobbie. *cringe* I mean, honestly. Of all sims in this neighborhood. So I had to alter their relationship to save my sanity. Why we're here to begin with has something to do with his son...

Godric Northman.
With long hair and the egg and sausage shirt.
I...I love this game, I truly do.
"Duuuuude, wanna light up the night sky, got a bag of MJ from my bro, Corbett..."
Who's actually Bill Compton's kid. Don't tell Eric. SHHH.

Whoops, when did this picture of my simself getting hit on by Eric get in here? In front of his PREGNANT WIFE, nonetheless.
Silly horndog Viking vampire.

OMG, Eric, you really need to go to Vampire Lenscrafters. I know she's in a mask, but even her CHIN is jutting out of it! PUT YOUR FANGS UP.

So we had to...*sigh* unfortunately tell him to fuck off.
Bobbie: "Well, I'm told that you're too pretty. And she didn't want to besmirch your family by donating to my spawn."
Maybe a child or grandchild of yours. Someday. When they don't look so much like they were born from the ugly tree, hit every branch coming down, died, was turned into a vampire, beaten in the face with a bat 500 times, and staked.
Bobbie: "Too mean. Just...too mean."

Eric Northman...is not amused.
"You know your simself wants this fine ass."
no, I will not be a homewrecker. I have a sim-husband. And a kid. 

See, I'm so good with kids, I'm damn near telekinetic.

So, fun fact: If your sims get too hot, they can spontaneously combust. I tried extinguishing the fire by taking her to the river, but she kept glitching out and becoming Jesus. 

AND RIGHT NEXT TO THE SODDING POOL, she died.

Grimmy.
Grim Reaper: "Don't call me Grimmy. It's Bruce."
*GASP* Bruce Willis?
Grim Reaper: "Are you fucktarded?"
Evidently, yes. RELOAD.

Lesson learned...Sim Gods hate uggos.

Well, that's the first chapter. Maybe we'll find a suitor next chapter! Lucky them. Hope I didn't more you too much with the background characters. They just keep me engrossed and its hilarious to watch my simself on her own. Till next time, I bid you adieu adieu adieu. Too-da-loo.